on being a nobody

by patricia ramos

you're a shadow, a mirage
a spatter of matter in a scatter of existence
nobody really knew your real name
but you knew it was "nobody"

who are you?
what are you?
your height, your weight, the flesh on your face?
the mistakes you made and the achievements you made up
how you used to wear these kinds of clothes and then decided to stop?
and spouted all these lies just to show what you've got
that that was you
and yet it was not

that was 11 years of not knowing who you really were
11 years of knocking on doors of association
pretending you fit in
and forcing the puzzle pieces to fit
even though they did they never worked out on the bigger picture
but you didn't mind as long as you had someone to sit with at lunch

did it not feel strange the first time you gazed on that list
and marveled at how a few names could spell out "home" for you?

three hundred-odd days of a different feeling
wherein people you've never seen before know you by your name now
and they say "i know you from this"
"i think you're cool"
"i'm glad that i'm your friend"

and it felt good to be important and missed
and it felt good to make a lot of friends
and it felt good to tear down the bricks
of the wall you had been building for yourself for
such
a long
time

who knew i had it in me all along?

Team Effort (and the importance thereof)

Yesterday I popped over to Motzie's house to - finally - work on the Project Bayani 2nd issue pages that have remained stagnant since a month ago. 

I decided to ask her if I could come over around Wednesday all of a sudden because nothing was happening. Like, literally. I was, to be honest, unconsciously putting off work because 1) I have so many ideas and other projects piling up, even though school hasn't started haha, and 2) I am lazy as hell. I thought it would do me good if my co-creator was physically there to attend to me, thereby forcing me to do as much work as I can. I allotted seven hours - 11 to 5. Despite a couple of transpo problems I made it to her house.

As you can see from the ecstatic Instagram "live feeds" I'd been posting, progress was amazing. I finished inking all of the pages (without black masks) in the span of 5 hours, as we went to Moonleaf after and had time to spare to erase my pencils.

Did I mention that it just so happened to be Project Bayani's first birthday, coincidentally? We'd only found out when I looked at our Copyright Certificate again.

Conclusion: pressure is, indeed, very helpful. It stemmed from the way that writing circles and running clinics (one of which I've attended, heh) stimulates one greatly to get what they want done - it's the idea that people actually, physically bank on you to finish something, and it's kind of the best feeling ever to accomplish something after.

I thank Motzie because if it hadn't been for her, I definitely would not have finished these on my own. Yes, I'm that lazy haha. On to wrapping up inking, then it's post-prod by scanning and Photoshopping. Wish me luck. :P

Life Updates, Post-deluge

Last night my aunt and sister and I went to the Ultra arena to run. My sister and I started going for a Running Clinic a few weeks ago. We were particularly worried last night because it had been raining to the point that we didn't know if we were going on with it.

When we went down to the Oval the drizzle wasn't very strong yet. It was only when we started warming up under the roof that the torrent fell. Anyway, I said "screw it" to accidentally not bringing any extra clothes and ran with my tita and sister in the rain. It was great because the rain wouldn't stop and lightning tore up the sky overhead. It felt really intense, running with nothing but the sound of that and rainwater splashing under your feet and a couple of other people at the Oval, even though it might have not been that intense, really. Given the open skyline view from the Oval I've never really experienced anything so... Goldy-wrathful. Haha. Something to really see to believe.

I also saw Jam there. I haven't seen anyone from school since I saw Mia at Serendra the day before.

***

LIFE UPDATES

1. Not many. I'm aware I haven't been updating aside from a couple of vlogs and a bunch of Twitter floods, and for that I apologize. Again, summer isn't actually as eventful as everyone makes it out to be.
2. Last week I enrolled and we had our Freshman Orientation. Yeah. The UP vibes are kicking in, finally. It's all so strange to think that I'm not going back to my Alma Mater for 13 years this school year - my schoolmates have realized that as soon as Graduation wrapped up, but it hasn't been as... um... sudden for me. Anyway. More on that later.

Yeah well, that's pretty much it. Nothing but see you next time. :)