Hello, 2014.

Albeit a belated one. Heh.

I left 2013 a more creative, more "Filipino", and (hopefully) more mature individual. Here's to the year that lies ahead of us - may it bring more joy to savor, more spirit to live, more challenges to overcome, more creation to create. And may I be blessed with the resilience to update this blog as much as I'd like to. :P

Tag Post*

*for lack of a better title. Tagged by Mandy Cruz.

rule 1: always post the rules
rule 2: answer the questions the person who tagged you asked and write your questions
rule 3: tag 11 people and link them to the post
rule 4: actually tell the people you tagged that you tagged them

1. Did you like the last movie you saw? 
Thor 2? Hell yeah.
2. Favorite cocktail? Or, if you don’t drink, favorite beverage? 
Mudshakes are a cocktail, right? Haha. It's like the alcoholic version of "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman".
3. Not a question, but name your top three favorite cities. 
THREE ONLY? Haha just kidding.
- Quezon City
- Manila/Pasay
- Vigan
4. What is the thing/who is/are the person/s that give you the most ~feels? 
I'll disclaim that this changes a lot, but I guess my friends give me the most feels (Haha, Mandy) because it's always reciprocated. Sure, I get to think up a lot of feels when it comes to things and celebrities but nothing compares to my friends giving their own input and exponentially increasing the original amount of feels I had anticipated to feel. 'Ja feel?
5. What’s the best part about being you? (#NAKS)
The best part about being me is my ability/curse to overthink everything. On one side I can think of a lot of ideas and good things and stuff but on the other side I can't escape this anxiety on things I've done wrong. It's my best part and I worst part. #NAKS

My questions:

1. If you were a type of cake, what would you be and why?
2. If you could change one thing about you what would it be? (Boring, I know)
3. Give the song that you've been playing on repeat for the past few days.
4. Your favorite thing about where you live right now.
5. The last thing that made you really happy. Or rather, describe the last time you felt the happiest.

D.I.Y. Debut

Finally, I can show you what I've been up to these past three months. I couldn't really talk about each of them one by one because... well, it's kind of hard to take any quality pictures when you're borrowing your DSLR camera, as a lot of my old posts might have shown you. Besides, I find it better to dump them all in one sitting, don't you? Haha.

Thanks so much to Tita Lianne from Sugarpuff Photography for the amazing pictures!

It all started with a sketchbook...

One of the things I'll miss the most about prep is writing and drawing my ideas in this journal, even if the debut shouldn't be the end of my entries. I guess this is the first time writing a journal wherein I truly didn't think about what I was writing except for the gist of it, of course. I just let the words flow~ Haha. I'm not really a journal-keeping person (says the girl who tries to maintain a blog harhar) except for all those fictional ones that I have to "script".

I can't wait to look back at this book and see what took up most of my time between August to October 2013, haha.

The Cake

Expectation, reality. Haha, but in fairness, I love how the cake came out, it complimented the party beautifully! I guess an entire ombre-on-the-inside cake is way too ambitious too anyway, but I really love the color blending. Thanks so much to the bakers from Cravings for achieving this so beautifully.

Painting everything...

From the watercolor invites... (these are the originals, I scanned them in and laid them out on Publisher so you could fold them into actual cards! I apparently fooled a lot of people into thinking I did them one by one... hahaha)

...to the poster paint menu cards (I actually had to go through several trials of this because of the changing menu, haha - but I loved food tasting and taking reference photos, although making the food look appetizing with poster paint was a liiittle challenging. Thank God we tackled the color wheel at school before this so finding and mixing colors was easier for me and with this medium then)...

...to watercolor signs and banners posted on the events page and at the candy buffet...

...to the watercolor background on the Freedom Wall, which also took several tries to perfect because the mother/"manager" had a few changes... hahaha.

I'm quite proud of the turnout of several days scattered with hard work, I can't believe it's all collected into this, haha. The whole thing really upped my appreciation for painting and watercolor, that's for sure.

The Souvenir Bag

Aside from the adorable candy buffet provided by Ate Jaz from Sweet Nest (who also did the gorgeous table set-up, backdrop, registration front, and provided creative ideas for so many things) my Mom suggested we have canvas bags for give-aways (aside from the tiny notebooks we hand-stapled and the paper of which we got from our usual supplier, Emerald, near Anonas station) and found the Rehabilitation Sheltered Workshop for the National Capital Region. We learned the bags are hand-crafted by persons with disabilities and even got a discount. They work so efficiently, we got the final bags a day after they started. Also, I sent them a preliminary study for the logo and they were able to Photoshop one for me (because I had no Photoshop at the time haha) and the two-tone print was included in the package.

Seriously, if you guys want to custom order bags or are finding a supplier to sell them, check out the RSW and their website here. You're supporting persons with disabilities as well as getting amazingly crafted quality bags and other products.

Miscellaneous Signages

Before we went to the salon Ate Jaz asked me to drop by so I could write on the black side of some illustration boards. I'm not so good at calligraphy yet so it took me a while (and a looot of erasures) before I could finish these hahaha. Luckily, I wrote a poem beforehand for the toast, but I really chickened out on saying it mostly because it was so cheesy hahaha. But oh well, both of them turned out quite nicely~

***

Like I said, I'll really miss stressing out on party preparations (even though my amount of stress is nothing compared to my parents' hahaha) and working on everything. The party passed like a dream - a four to five hour whirlwind of a dream filled with people who were hopefully happy, and things that took me by surprise, and things that hopefully went as planned, and then suddenly it's all over. Three months of hard work coming into something like this. But hey, in the words of the immortal Dr. Seuss, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

I'm looking forward to being legal, and even if I do have to be careful where I tread now that was one hell of a party, and I'm so glad to have spent my first day of being legal with the people I love (even though some of them unfortunately couldn't make it) and in a way that really captured my me-ness hahaha. Even though I stressed about the party not being about "me" it was still one of the most memorable experiences I've ever had. :)

Belated Happy Halloween, everyone! :D

Renata Remedios Buendia (Meme)

Yyyep, it's been a while. Going to post my Big Art Project Party post later, but for now, have a watercolor painting I had been doing near the end of preparations, just for kicks. And also because this was one of the most beautiful parts of One Hundred Years of Solitude that I read, because gosh, that book is so poetic and lovely and heartbreaking and historical.

That night, the guard brought down Mauricio Babilonia as he was lifting up the tiles to get into the bathroom where Meme was waiting for him, naked and trembling with love among the scorpions and butterflies as she had done almost every night for the past few months. A bullet lodged in his spinal column reduced him to his bed for the rest of his life. He died of old age in solitude, without a moan, without a protest, without a single moment of betrayal, tormented by memories and by the yellow butterflies, who did not give him a moment's piece...

- One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

***

Some details...

I'm really proud of how her skin came out. I admit I'm not an explorer when it comes to colors, because I'm uncertain of how things will come out in the end most often; but I can only describe how the leftover yellow in one of my brushes came out on her skin as a "happy accident" because I turned out really well.

I just regret the butterflies a little. I could've made them more intricate if I'd worked harder, but oh well. The random effect came out quite well.

I'm quite proud of how it all came out hehe. Here's to hoping I'll develop my watercolor skillz even more :)

Antiquated

Took a trip down memory lane again when my parents and I visited my great grandparents' house in Roxas where my aunt and her husband are staying now.

I haven't been here in forever. It's pretty cool/strange how we become so acquainted to something that we take it for granted, then the next time we interact with it after a long time it feels so foreign, but familiar.

That wooden Igorot statue at the top of the stairs used to look so much scarier, so much taller. Now it's about four to five feet flat, I realize, still carrying the head of his fallen enemy, maybe not so sinister after all.

I find it funny how I hold so much more fascination now than I did all those times we came by when we were little. I look at all the antiques in wonder when before they were just furniture. I guess it was only now that they counted as remnants of the past to me.

Notice how I'm avoiding using the word "nostalgia". Would you count that when most of the memories I'd made here were... detached? I don't want to be so cold, but that's honestly how I see it.

The house wasn't lit up by anything other than the sunlight. It was nice, but I couldn't help but think of Bob Ong's Mga Kaibigan Ni Mama Susan whenever I looked at the religious figures mingling with wooden models of the Igorot. Also, their kitchen was really dark. I had to muster up enough courage to pass through that place.

I really did want to take a lot of that stuff home even if I knew there wouldn't be any room. I don't know; it's been a long time I've seen a house with so much history interwoven in the peeling lumber. The smell of age wafted through the air like a giant turtle and was oddly very comforting.

My great grandparents have passed now, my great grandfather going first. It's too bad I couldn't really "appreciate" them when I had the chance. All I have to remember them by is the childlike wonder I went through earlier today. Also, I wish I had a better camera to capture all of this. I wasn't even planning on taking any pictures until we got a look at the place.

It feels exactly like finishing a book when you're a kid and coming back to it about ten years later. You remember so many things but it all feels so new.

/end throwback-slash-reflection post

***

Life Updates:

Yes, I know, I've been a bad blogger. I can't even blame College now that it's sem break but apart from a lot of debut-related ups and downs and one trip to Pampanga and Tarlac with my mates from the Philippine Collegian nothing's been too eventful. I promise I'll blog/vlog after all of this blows over - I have a lot of stories to share, after all.

A-d-v-e-n-t-u-r-e

I'd say this past week had more adventure in it than any other week in my life. Let's see...

TUESDAY

I don't remember what happened prior, but after class I had my dress fitting for the debut and Dad and I had to drive to Shaw to wait for Mom, only to drive back to Cubao because she was taking so long. I think we ate at The Sweet Spot, Maginhawa right after this. A+, will recommend.

WEDNESDAY

Had my first Sec Meet after school. I don't really remember much before that.

THURSDAY

Planned on joining an Alternative Classroom Learning Experience (is that right?) or ACLE, ended up having A Talk with some of my blockmates instead while waiting for 3 o' clock to come. When Ilsa came back to tell us the slots for her desired ACLE had run out we decided to go to Educ instead. It was in my choices to go anyway, and we heard Joyce Pring was there (she was. We went with Rocky, who is mine and Ilsa's "child", and he proceeded to freak out the entire time we lined up to take pictures and have our things signed). Then I asked if we could go to Palma Hall to see if any of the other ACLEs were still open. Sadly, Chico and Gino's panel had wrapped up, and there were too many people to let us in anymore. We were able to catch up at the Komiko 3-in-1, and after a lot of confusion as to whether I would still attend, we sat in anyway, but not for long as the talk wrapped up as soon as Ilsa and I found seats (Rocky stayed outside). We met with Sirs Jesie Castro, Jess Abrera and Manix Abrera for the photo op and they signed our stuff, too. They're extremely nice. We hung out at the CASAA for a while after that until we all parted ways and I had to attend my first Gen Meet reviewing an issue.

FRIDAY

Since our FA14 Prof, Sir DJ, had a talk at MC (lol) and gave us a free cut, we planned on going to Sinangag Express in Katipunan for Lunch, but it slowly escalated to a trip to UST thanks to another blockmate, Melody. It was the first time I've ever ridden a jeep that far, and also the LRT. We chased after Ramon Bautista in the carpark and bought art materials. It was really exhausting, and I got to cool down back at school waiting for Farah to finish PE and at the AvCom (org) meeting. My parents ate at Gayuma ni Maria in Maginhawa after that. It would have been not-weird but the looming presence of sex toys and phallic cookies being dangerously near my conservative (and highly critical?) parents made me worry. The food was amazing, though!

SATURDAY

I couldn't do presswork early because we had food tasting at Cravings. I became obsessed with the risotto balls they were serving as appetizers but I didn't want to look like a greedy person. I ended up eating like 5. LOL. The food was good, but there's another food tasting and I really hope I'll get to try their other choices. I'm also really glad that plans are moving along smoothly - our organizer Miss Macris said there was still a possibility for me to get the gold tiffany chairs my mom wanted. After that, we heard Mass in Eastwood and I attended Nadine's Debut. I was pretty pooped by that time - thanks mostly to late nights at my grandparents' house using their 24-hour Wifi. I'm not used to being a night owl. But it was really fun seeing all my friends again after a long, long time.

SUNDAY

Had presswork at Vinzons. I'm so glad my comic was approved from the first study, even though it wasn't funny. I was initially scared about making comics because I knew I probably wouldn't be able to deliver any good jokes on queue. When I asked Kira (who's supposed to have a "shallow sense of humor") she agreed it was more of a commentary than a comedy, and she asked Kuya Victor (the asst. editor, who is one of the most comprehensive [lol sorry] critics there) if it was funny, to which he replied, "...Meh. It grows on you." HUHU. Oh well. It wasn't a bad start for my first Kule comic. Also, Ate Ysa, my editor, told me to download Photoshop CS6 since my old Photoshop Portable wouldn't open anymore - it's absolutely magical. I've missed using Photoshop. I hated being crippled by it for a while and having to tell people I couldn't do this or that because "Photoshop was broken" and I had a fear of downloading trials since they expire (lol) - especially during the Gen Meet, where I traditional'd all of the works that were assigned to me for the issue, and I got complaints of messy execution. I really hate not being able to deliver. Anyway, during lunch I took an IKOT and walked all the way to Burger Project, Maginhawa because I was in the mood for burgers. Mm, burgers. And independence.

The lines are beginning to blur between the days now that I'm getting used to sleeping at 12 AM minimum. My energy levels (naks) haven't been going up to "ecstatic" because I can't really say I've been recharging. It's like I'm a phone that I have no time to recharge, and the power perpetually stays in the middle. Whoo. College!

OFF.

That's the way I can describe this week. My closest blockmate Ilsa has described me as such for the past few days and, I have to admit, I've been seeing it. I know I seriously have not posted nearly enough for my readers - unless you know me and are aware of my situation in real life - to understand what I am about to say, but I hope you guys still get a little out of it.

I was so out of it today, and for the past week perhaps owing to the fact that I'm running much lower on sleep than I was used to in High School. I slept in school yesterday and today, both in the CFA, and spent sixteen hours in campus yesterday.

There was an overall feeling of "whatever" these past few days. I haven't interacted with my friends and blockmates the way I wish I could (naks, standards), and reciting in Eng10 today was just so... weird. I kept tripping all over my words in both situations and all of my thoughts came out in word diarrhea. One thing I want to keep an eye on is precise communication, because I've been deprived of that particular ability in the past. People won't wait for you to apologize for what you said and explain it all of it one by one. They'll comprehend it in a certain way so it's your job to formulate how you're going to say any of it.

The thing I'm most afraid of is hurting someone, physically or emotionally, because I haven't been watching my words and actions and general disposition because of my exhaustion. Yes, I'm terrible for blaming these things on something so trivial to my blockmates by this time, something they've been so accustomed to that they are able to complete beautiful plates with or without sleep, but aside from my period (TMI) that's the closest thing I could attribute it to.

Also, busy-ness. I've been avoiding blaming not replying to everyone on the Internet as soon as I can, not being able to get to my personal projects, not being able to just socialize on being busy. It's so easy to blame your mistakes on other things, isn't it?

It's so easy for people to tell us to take a break every now and then. It's so easy for them to tell us to manage our time - that I realize now. It's so easy to assess a situation based only on what you know. There are so many factors that contribute to a person making certain choices, whether or not they look good to you and at the end of the day you don't actually have the best say in what they should do. Hayz. Lesson: don't automatically assume you're reserved to a right to tell someone what to do. Plain and simple.

Speaking of people telling you what to do, I wish my schedule would become more flexible... transpo-wise. I'm a little ashamed of the fact that I have to be chauffeured every day because most of my blockmates are already so independent and have learned how to commute outside of school. It's not that I'm in a rush to be independent or whatever, it's not that I feel strangled or rebellious or any of that teenage bullsh*t adults try to rub on me, it's just that things would be so much easier had I not be required to think about other people when I want/have to stay late at school. Having to stay late at school makes me out to be insensitive to the people who have to usher me back and forth; but wanting to take transportation makes me naive, stupid, ungrateful that I have people who drive at my own beck and call. I can't win, and it frustrates me.

Thinking about all of this makes me realize how much of myself I made, and how much of myself is actually me, naturally raised up by others and uninfluenced by the society I perceive. Huwaw. Existential crisis ang peg.

I'm sorry, again, if all this sounds incomprehensible to you guys. I sure hope this feeling goes away by the end of next week and I get back on the right track. Wish me luck.

***

In other news, debut planning has been going well so far. I finished stapling just under 150 notebooks for souvenirs and drawing for the events page and invitations, feats I'm extremely proud of as a DIY-er. Food tasting will be on Wednesday. I really am excited. :)