A-d-v-e-n-t-u-r-e

I'd say this past week had more adventure in it than any other week in my life. Let's see...

TUESDAY

I don't remember what happened prior, but after class I had my dress fitting for the debut and Dad and I had to drive to Shaw to wait for Mom, only to drive back to Cubao because she was taking so long. I think we ate at The Sweet Spot, Maginhawa right after this. A+, will recommend.

WEDNESDAY

Had my first Sec Meet after school. I don't really remember much before that.

THURSDAY

Planned on joining an Alternative Classroom Learning Experience (is that right?) or ACLE, ended up having A Talk with some of my blockmates instead while waiting for 3 o' clock to come. When Ilsa came back to tell us the slots for her desired ACLE had run out we decided to go to Educ instead. It was in my choices to go anyway, and we heard Joyce Pring was there (she was. We went with Rocky, who is mine and Ilsa's "child", and he proceeded to freak out the entire time we lined up to take pictures and have our things signed). Then I asked if we could go to Palma Hall to see if any of the other ACLEs were still open. Sadly, Chico and Gino's panel had wrapped up, and there were too many people to let us in anymore. We were able to catch up at the Komiko 3-in-1, and after a lot of confusion as to whether I would still attend, we sat in anyway, but not for long as the talk wrapped up as soon as Ilsa and I found seats (Rocky stayed outside). We met with Sirs Jesie Castro, Jess Abrera and Manix Abrera for the photo op and they signed our stuff, too. They're extremely nice. We hung out at the CASAA for a while after that until we all parted ways and I had to attend my first Gen Meet reviewing an issue.

FRIDAY

Since our FA14 Prof, Sir DJ, had a talk at MC (lol) and gave us a free cut, we planned on going to Sinangag Express in Katipunan for Lunch, but it slowly escalated to a trip to UST thanks to another blockmate, Melody. It was the first time I've ever ridden a jeep that far, and also the LRT. We chased after Ramon Bautista in the carpark and bought art materials. It was really exhausting, and I got to cool down back at school waiting for Farah to finish PE and at the AvCom (org) meeting. My parents ate at Gayuma ni Maria in Maginhawa after that. It would have been not-weird but the looming presence of sex toys and phallic cookies being dangerously near my conservative (and highly critical?) parents made me worry. The food was amazing, though!

SATURDAY

I couldn't do presswork early because we had food tasting at Cravings. I became obsessed with the risotto balls they were serving as appetizers but I didn't want to look like a greedy person. I ended up eating like 5. LOL. The food was good, but there's another food tasting and I really hope I'll get to try their other choices. I'm also really glad that plans are moving along smoothly - our organizer Miss Macris said there was still a possibility for me to get the gold tiffany chairs my mom wanted. After that, we heard Mass in Eastwood and I attended Nadine's Debut. I was pretty pooped by that time - thanks mostly to late nights at my grandparents' house using their 24-hour Wifi. I'm not used to being a night owl. But it was really fun seeing all my friends again after a long, long time.

SUNDAY

Had presswork at Vinzons. I'm so glad my comic was approved from the first study, even though it wasn't funny. I was initially scared about making comics because I knew I probably wouldn't be able to deliver any good jokes on queue. When I asked Kira (who's supposed to have a "shallow sense of humor") she agreed it was more of a commentary than a comedy, and she asked Kuya Victor (the asst. editor, who is one of the most comprehensive [lol sorry] critics there) if it was funny, to which he replied, "...Meh. It grows on you." HUHU. Oh well. It wasn't a bad start for my first Kule comic. Also, Ate Ysa, my editor, told me to download Photoshop CS6 since my old Photoshop Portable wouldn't open anymore - it's absolutely magical. I've missed using Photoshop. I hated being crippled by it for a while and having to tell people I couldn't do this or that because "Photoshop was broken" and I had a fear of downloading trials since they expire (lol) - especially during the Gen Meet, where I traditional'd all of the works that were assigned to me for the issue, and I got complaints of messy execution. I really hate not being able to deliver. Anyway, during lunch I took an IKOT and walked all the way to Burger Project, Maginhawa because I was in the mood for burgers. Mm, burgers. And independence.

The lines are beginning to blur between the days now that I'm getting used to sleeping at 12 AM minimum. My energy levels (naks) haven't been going up to "ecstatic" because I can't really say I've been recharging. It's like I'm a phone that I have no time to recharge, and the power perpetually stays in the middle. Whoo. College!

OFF.

That's the way I can describe this week. My closest blockmate Ilsa has described me as such for the past few days and, I have to admit, I've been seeing it. I know I seriously have not posted nearly enough for my readers - unless you know me and are aware of my situation in real life - to understand what I am about to say, but I hope you guys still get a little out of it.

I was so out of it today, and for the past week perhaps owing to the fact that I'm running much lower on sleep than I was used to in High School. I slept in school yesterday and today, both in the CFA, and spent sixteen hours in campus yesterday.

There was an overall feeling of "whatever" these past few days. I haven't interacted with my friends and blockmates the way I wish I could (naks, standards), and reciting in Eng10 today was just so... weird. I kept tripping all over my words in both situations and all of my thoughts came out in word diarrhea. One thing I want to keep an eye on is precise communication, because I've been deprived of that particular ability in the past. People won't wait for you to apologize for what you said and explain it all of it one by one. They'll comprehend it in a certain way so it's your job to formulate how you're going to say any of it.

The thing I'm most afraid of is hurting someone, physically or emotionally, because I haven't been watching my words and actions and general disposition because of my exhaustion. Yes, I'm terrible for blaming these things on something so trivial to my blockmates by this time, something they've been so accustomed to that they are able to complete beautiful plates with or without sleep, but aside from my period (TMI) that's the closest thing I could attribute it to.

Also, busy-ness. I've been avoiding blaming not replying to everyone on the Internet as soon as I can, not being able to get to my personal projects, not being able to just socialize on being busy. It's so easy to blame your mistakes on other things, isn't it?

It's so easy for people to tell us to take a break every now and then. It's so easy for them to tell us to manage our time - that I realize now. It's so easy to assess a situation based only on what you know. There are so many factors that contribute to a person making certain choices, whether or not they look good to you and at the end of the day you don't actually have the best say in what they should do. Hayz. Lesson: don't automatically assume you're reserved to a right to tell someone what to do. Plain and simple.

Speaking of people telling you what to do, I wish my schedule would become more flexible... transpo-wise. I'm a little ashamed of the fact that I have to be chauffeured every day because most of my blockmates are already so independent and have learned how to commute outside of school. It's not that I'm in a rush to be independent or whatever, it's not that I feel strangled or rebellious or any of that teenage bullsh*t adults try to rub on me, it's just that things would be so much easier had I not be required to think about other people when I want/have to stay late at school. Having to stay late at school makes me out to be insensitive to the people who have to usher me back and forth; but wanting to take transportation makes me naive, stupid, ungrateful that I have people who drive at my own beck and call. I can't win, and it frustrates me.

Thinking about all of this makes me realize how much of myself I made, and how much of myself is actually me, naturally raised up by others and uninfluenced by the society I perceive. Huwaw. Existential crisis ang peg.

I'm sorry, again, if all this sounds incomprehensible to you guys. I sure hope this feeling goes away by the end of next week and I get back on the right track. Wish me luck.

***

In other news, debut planning has been going well so far. I finished stapling just under 150 notebooks for souvenirs and drawing for the events page and invitations, feats I'm extremely proud of as a DIY-er. Food tasting will be on Wednesday. I really am excited. :)

Here Comes College

Fifteen hours before College and I'm feeling a bit indifferent - the actual worst thing I could possibly feel, I guess?

It just doesn't feel like I'm going to school tomorrow. I'll come into my first subject at 8:30 and find new people, but I don't know if I'll feel any different about staying there the next few weeks, because this was a hell of a long Summer for me. Maybe it's the fact that I have no books, or uniform, or the fact that I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of official stuff to fix thanks, mostly, to my absolute cluelessness and naivety.

It's not that I hate these brand new school vibes and fear that I'll lose Summer. If anything I'm glad that I'm going to College (har har) and I'm glad for the new lifestyle change, because I sure will be more productive in school than I was when I didn't have it. That's why I worry about not feeling much, because, surely, I should be feeling at least excitement (not as much as I should be, but I feel it a little) or nervousness or fear or joy? But mostly I feel nothing at all.

More on this as the story develops.